The Relationship Series: Needs and Desires

I have a new question for you: Do you know what you want in your relationship?

If you just paused for a second, I want you to know that’s totally normal. We’re all doing so much, all the time. It’s so easy for your desires to disappear without you even noticing.

But, the thing is …

When it comes to having the intimate and loving relationships you deserve, everything starts with what you want.

Because if you don’t know what you want you certainly won’t ask for it. And worse, you won’t even know that you deserve to want things.

Before we can expect anyone to fill our needs, we’ve gotta know what they are.

Sounds obvious right?

Not quite. If it was so obvious no one would be struggling with this.

Maybe you were shamed for wanting things. Maybe feeling close felt like too much to ask.

And that can HURT.

How old were you when you decided it was safer NOT to show someone you really like them?

Then we add wanting s3x or specific things during s3x.

Our culture piles on the shame in heaps. And all of it hurts your ability to ask for what you want, or tell people how you really feel.

So to help you start to heal this, here are some prompts to get you back in touch with your needs and desires.

Ask yourself these questions* to learn which specific things you might need help with:

  • Do I believe it’s OK to have needs?

  • Do I know what my desires are?

  • Do I recognize that all my desires, including sexual ones, are valid regardless of circumstances?

  • Do I understand that my desires can be fulfilled or acknowledged in ways that respect consent and societal boundaries?

  • Can I confidently communicate and request my needs?

  • Do I acknowledge that there will be times when my needs are fulfilled and times when they aren't?

If you feel like you could use some support with any of these questions, congratulations.

You have a clear place to start your journey to have the love you deserve.

This journey starts with you.

And what’s more loving than acknowledging that you get to have your needs met?

If you want to get started on this incredible work with me at your side, send me an email at odelia@embodiedacceptance.com.

*The list of questions around needs and desires is taken from the Somatica® literature.

Odelia Shargian